The StepDude

I started another blog, called The StepDude: www.thestepdude.com

I won't be emailing updates since it's an easy site to remember, and I hope to grow it through other step-parenting and parenting blogs. As much as I like to write about myself, my hope is it will be more topic-based, eventually. I just posted my 2nd entry, and should be updating it weekly at the least. Let's be honest - I'm a new parent and a step-parent. The kids are gift wrapping material for this thing...

Can you just call me Dude?

Current Status: Necessary Parental Unit Stepdaditude: At least they're getting used to this... What do the kids call you? And how do you refer to the kids? There’s a joke that goes: A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named ‘Steve’?” You may have heard that joke before, maybe with another name. Try it with your own name - seriously, say it out loud, it's hilarious. As naturally egocentric beings we respond to our own name, even if spoken by ourselves. Back to the topic - the joke reminds me of times, before I was the official Stepdad, where I was explained to people as “my Mom’s boyfriend” (true enough), “our future Stepdad” (brave, but true), “my Stepdad” (brevity over clarity), and I even overheard our (at the time) 6-yr old girl refer to me as “Dad” in front of some peers who she didn't know well – obviously not wanting to be embarrassed or having to explain. She didn’t know I heard her, and I didn't need to say anything. I got it. Most often, though, I was both referred to, and called, “Steve”. One syllable, generic, a little nerdy. "You have a Dad named Steve?" Hello, daycare center? This is Steve. You know, Steve? I’m the kids, um, mom’s boyfriend, er, future stepdad. Anyway, I will be picking them up early on Wednesday, please don't ask me to sign anything... There were some awkward exchanges then, but now I should be able to introduce myself with pride! With my title now official, the kids are free to refer to me as Stepdad and not feel weird. And I am free to call them my Stepson and Stepdaughter and feel okay about it. Hooray, right? But sometimes, I just want to call them my kids – my boy, my girl. I can’t call them my son and daughter, really, and that’s okay. Their Biodad (I’ll talk about him later) still has rights to those and maybe always will. Fair enough. If you catch me in a raw moment, though, I would admit that I feel like I deserve that “Dad” status and that they should be my son and daughter – that in just a few years I’ve given more, loved harder, and earned trust beyond what Biodad could ever achieve! What’s in a name or title anyway? Maybe not the title, but the appreciation - which is so unfair to the kids. People often tell me: “Someday, they’ll understand, and they’ll show their appreciation for your role in their life.” Maybe. For now, it feels like I’ll worry about my legacy every day, worry that I’m not a good enough example for them, worry that I don’t treat their Mom with enough love and respect. So do we as stepparents push the issue to make ourselves more comfortable, or do we let the kids decide? Maybe if I tried to get them to call me "Dad" it would further break down barriers. Maybe my wife can soothe their fears about losing the importance of Biodad, and help them understand they sort of have 2 Dads. But I choose to let the kids decide. They're generally more creative anyway and I think they'll do whatever seems right to them, which in my mind is also best for them. Sometimes they just call me "S" in response to the fact that I often call them by their initials. I'll call them "P" (boy) and "Z" (girl) for this blog, too. Sometimes they do the normal play on my name: Stevie (playful), Steven (stern), Whatever Dude (stop reminding me to put stuff away, I get it). Just as long as they don't call me Mr. Mom... (the ... is foreshadowing)

More Sea Kittens!

I received some great suggestions for sea kitten menu items & marketing campaigns in that post's comments, plus a play on Arby's "I'm thinkin'..." campaign from Madeline, whom I don't know but is participating in my blog which is great!

So let's continue the fun. "Toonces & Chips" from HPL is my favorite so far, but bring some more suggestions - get creative! I just thought of this one off the top of my head: "Kitty Sticks". See? It's not that hard. And remember, sea kittens = fish, so we're not actually eating kittens (in this country). Comment away!

Cancelled again

Goodbye again to MySpace, this time for good. I recognize and even respect a cultural phenomenon when I see one - COPS, track jackets, "I Brake for Pancakes" suction signs, the Geico lizard - and MySpace certainly is one of the greats. But I haven't cared for at least a year, and the fact that random solicitations and the all important "have you ever"-brand of bulletins are still out there waiting for me was just too much for my conscience. So now I don't have to worry about it.

To the next order of business: based on recent wife, in-law, and friends' conversation history, roughly eleventy-nine people will now cajole me into signing up for Facebook. The main argument "for" Facebook being, "It's sort of eerie - it will suggest friends for you based on your networks, and next thing you know you'll be catching up with Peter from pre-school." First of all, that dude was a narcissist - everything in the world was allegedly his (MINE!) - so why would I care what he's up to? Secondly, I think I do a good job of keeping up with the people I really care about via phone, text, email, blog, and occasionally bumping into them in my house.

Speaking of my house, we are SUCH a 21st Century family. I caught us the other night in the following scenario: Annie was participating in online training on her company laptop, I was on the couch building a new product spreadsheet from my company laptop, Zoey was playing the interactive Littlest Pet Shop game on the Mac, and Preston was downstairs playing Tony Hawk Underground 2 on the PS2. We have up to 4 laptops in the house, a Dell PC, 5 active TVs (3 of them flat screen HD-capable), a Wii, a PS2, an unused PlayStation, all 4 of us have active iPods (plus 2 unused older models), the kids have GameBoys and Nintendo DSs, and we recently obtained four 007-style secret video watches with global GPS and 8-language instant translators! (I made that last one up.) Sometimes, we try and get away from it all by eating dinner together on our holographic, hovering dinner table.

Here's my deal with Facebook: I'm trying to blog more, and I'm pondering if I want to build readership for one of those blogs, and wondering why I would want to do that with the ridiculous amount of material that's out there. It would take more time and mental capacity than I'm currently giving. And I don't know that I want to open a window into the lives of long-gone friends, acquaintances, teammates, classmates, or neighbors. If my wife's recent participation is any indication, catching up with all of them (even if silently, like a virtual voyeur) would take up a lot of that time. Or maybe I don't want to open my own window for all of them. My partial anonymity in this blogosphere is comforting.

What I do know is I'm a sucker for attention and self promotion. Maybe, just maybe, if I receive a flood of comments on this post calling for my entry into the Facebook realm, I might see you there someday soon. For now, I'm going to stop typing and thinking and chuckling at my own jokes and join my wife on the couch to watch some Intervention on A&E. I just thought of a new slogan for that show: "Less depressing than actual addiction, yet half the fun!"

I'll take the Sea Kitten combo

This past Saturday, I was out and about having a "big day" - you know, Home Depot, drop off the recycling, take old clothes and shoes to DI (Deseret Industries... it's the Goodwill of Utah). It was around 1pm and I hadn't eaten yet, but I needed some fuel for my big kitchen counter tile repair grouting project. I realized I was near an Arby's, and the thought of a chicken fingers meal entered my brain...and stayed there. I could smell it, taste it, feel the crispy batter on my tongue.

Back in high school, I played a little sport called "basketball". High school basketball meant plenty of road trips in a van, which meant lots of fast food. One year, on an early season trip to Petoskey (seriously), I remember setting a new precedent for the team by ordering the chicken fingers meal - with Arby's sauce and BBQ for dipping. They all thought I was crazy! Who gets chicken fingers when you can have a Roast Beef, or better yet, Beef 'n Cheddar? But I was so over the roast beef craze. You wanna talk roast beef? You best recognize one of my childhood favorites - Rax. Anyhoo, a few trips later and guess what was all the rage in the b-ball van? Chicken fingers meal, baby.

So I rolls into the Arby's drive thru, tummy rumblin'. I notice the menu board is a bit patchy - a couple of the screens are empty, looks like maybe they're changing over promotions. Who knows. I didn't see the chicken fingers offerings, but this is friggin' Arby's so I says to the box, "I just want the chicken fingers meal, please." The headset-wearer says, "Sorry sir, we don't have chicken fingers" - no explanation, no "we ran out" - just, "we don't have them". This must be a mistake! Defeated, I order a Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar - NO FRIES OR SODA to spite them - and head home with my consolation sandwich. Either that location is going out of business, or there is a serious chicken shortage somewhere. Why is it that on the rare occasions your brain gets fixated on something, you inevitably cannot satisfy that fixation?

On a related note, PETA is campaigning to rename fish "sea kittens". This is not a satire article, they really do. I sort of hope this catches on, just so fast food and restaurant menus can get a little more creative than "fish-wich". I'm thinking "Boots-of-the-Sea Burger", or maybe "The General Bonkers Special".

I Am Stepdad

Current status: Cool Guy Stepdaditude: Determined My status as Stepdad became official on Saturday, August 9, 2008, but it wasn’t the first time I felt like a Stepdad. I’d been the de facto Stepdad to 2 wonderful kids, a boy and a girl, for about 18 months prior. When I actually earned that status in the minds of the kids is debatable. Their Mother, my new bride, is the sole reason for my new status. We are finally married and our family is now recognized by the state – because that’s the real bond, right?! I met her exactly 4 years before our wedding day. I was “going through” a divorce – after the shortest marriage you’ve heard of since Brittney and Jason – and was out of town on business when we met. Little did I know that a chance meeting would lead to a new life in a new state and, oh yeah, 2 kids! My goal is to tell a unique story, interact with other step-parents and associations, and have a little fun. It only took me 3 months to figure out how to point this blog to my groovy new URL, so that was a great start. Anyway, welcome to The StepDude! Once I get all the gadgets and gizmos functioning, I will welcome your comments and emails. Enjoy!

Some Recent Pics

Starting at Preston's birthday in November thru this past Sunday. Enjoy! (click for larger, the captions tell the stories...)