Picture Show

Lots of pics for all the good girls and boys. And cat.

The End of Summer Out Here in Utah

In a previous post, I mentioned how much fun it is to have to talk about weather all the time at work. Well, it reached a new low pressure system the other day, when a Sales Guy called from some provider of some valuable service which is guaranteed to provide valuable value, boost ROI, improve logistical flow-through, and make my Mother proud. These Sales Guys really need to tone down their rhetoric by the way. Anyhoo, after identifying himself as Sales Guy from Illinois, he signs off the voice mail with, "Hope the weather out there in Utah is treating you well. Take care."

Those were his exact last words before hanging up; I was so impressed with them I backed up the message and wrote them down as I listened a second and third time. This Sales Guy, endlessly pressured for new accounts, wants money I don't have in the budget for his magical wonderservice, and he leaves me with a comforting wish that atmospheric phenomena are treating me, personally, with kindness. This is what he must want me to remember then, right? You start and end your sales pitch with things that last, everyone knows that. What better than a weather well wishing? But not just a generic "Hope you have a sunshiney day", no! Give it to them in a more personal way so they will relate to you!

One of the things I'm thankful for in my career is I haven't had to cold call, ever. I was technically a salesperson right out of college, but I was never selling a brand new thing to a brand new account. Actually, I never really sold an old thing to an old account, either (ha ha!). What I'm saying is, I'm lucky the previous marketing administration quit, because I'm not very good at sales.

I had a fun adventure last night. I went shopping with Zoey for a birthday gift for her friend from school. Zoey is 8. When I suggested we get the girl, who invited her over not only for the 6pm party but directly from school today so she doesn't have to go to daycare (awesome!), a birthday gift for her troubles, Zoey rattled off the list of things Emma is dying for: "makeup, like lip gloss and those little kid makeup sets, and she loves loves loves perfume, and she also wants new necklaces like the peace sign ones I have...". Huh, alright. I didn't even know who Emma was until yesterday, but you apparently know everything about her. Anyway, we went to the superstore for last minute gifts, Walmart, and I spent a good 10 minutes in a makeup aisle fending off adult-shade lip and cheek applications and encouraging she get "up to 3 or 4" of the $0.89 tubes of pink glittery stuff. We settled on some fake nails, and I let her get a set, too. Emma is going to be thrilled with the little flowers on the tips, ohmygosh!

We also got the kid a Hoops & Yoyo birthday card--have you seen these things? My family has begun making them a tradition, and they are often hilarious. These little recorded voices come out of the card giggling hysterically and subtly insulting the recipient. You have to listen to them 3 or 4 times to get everything, but it's worth it. The one I got on my birthday will be opened no less than 100 times over the next week, and by then I will want to strangle Hoops with his Yoyo. But they're funny.

Last weekend was my big sports/birthday trip, and it did not disappoint. Below are a couple photos. Everyone who matters knows about Michigan's big win by now, and looks forward to their HUGE crosstown rivalry game with the mighty, uh, Emus? of Eastern Michigan University. EMU is located in the hipster village of Ypsilanti, a town so famous due to its name, that when you ask locals where they're from they simply reply "Ann Arbor". Except my friend Charlie, he's really proud of "Ypsi"; perhaps because they use really clever puns in their advertising. You "auto" see it!

Happy end of summer. :( <-- Sad face.

My 31st Year: What Have I Done?

I stole that title from a previous post I wrote, and I like it because you can read it one of two ways (just in case you can't hear the inflection in my text):

"Hmm. What HAVE I done, anyway? Let's reflect..."; or,

"OH MY GOSH WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

I'm reflecting, frantically, because next Saturday is my birthday. The big 3-1. No longer just 30 which, let's be honest, simply meant "not in my 20s anymore"--a surprisingly harsh reality that was difficult to accept, and even difficulter to get up from after crouching for any more than four or five seconds. When did a physical act as simple as "the crouch" become something you must truly question whether to attempt or not? Do I have a nearby wall with which to brace myself? Will my trick knee decide to flare up, causing me to groan inappropriately loud as I rise? Do I have enough give in the seat of my pants? Years back, the crouch was an afterthought; a simple and necessary tool for several sporting positions, also known as a "stance". My favorite was the "three point stance" in basketball. This clever device allows one the leverage to either pass, dribble, or shoot the basketball. Ha ha! You'll never know silly defender! Only they knew with me. If I was in the three point stance, one of my two signature moves was imminent: the "sit back down on the bench", or the "ankle sprain". At least then I had the will and joint lubrication to spring right back up.

Also, I don't really have a "trick knee". I just like the sound of it. Maybe if I spent 20 years workin' on the railroad I could get away with that sort of embellishment. So, sorry about that, railroadmen. I didn't mean to demean your 2nd favorite ailment behind "spike-through-hand".

I'm celebrating my 31st birthday by doing what any responsibly maturing man would: flying across the country to watch sports. And I'm dragging my wife! We'll be popping into Detroit for a Tigers game on Friday with Brad and Andrea, staying there that night, then meeting my parents in Ann Arbor for Michigan and Notre Dame. A birthday treat worthy of former president Gerald Ford and The Pope! It's been almost 3 years since I visited the Big House, and despite all the program's efforts to become a horrible football team the past two years, I'm stoked to go back, and maybe more stoked to have my wife go with me. She'll finally understand just a smidgen more of my personality and my tendency for withdrawal on fall Saturdays. I don't know that she'll understand why the Michigan Wolverines are "Champions of the West", nor why we sing the words so heartily, but then again, nobody really does. We just do it because it's college football.

This time of year always feels new because school sessions are starting. But even as a workin' man, it makes me feel I should work a little harder and "think about my future". So, in a clear sign of advancement, I'm thinking about taking a class. At a college. I considered enrolling in High School Government class just to relive the fun, but they didn't like my voting record. Instead, I'm going to take a class called "Toolbox Basics". No no, it's not a lecture on how to become a tool. I'd be in a much more advanced class than "Basics" for such a topic. It's a class to help me learn how to write. I'm not sure what I want to write yet, but at the least I'm moving closer to my goal of wearing jeans or corduroy pants and a sweater every day, not shaving, developing neurotic quirks, and having everyone accept those things for the sake of art. Wish me luck! And...I have to say it...GO BLUE!

Vacation pics and tidbits

Annie, the kids and I flew to Chicago on 7/31, drove to Hudsonville on 8/2, drove to Big Rapids (Cottage) on 8/5, drove back to Chicago on 8/8, and flew home to SLC (minus kids) on 8/9, our 1-year anniversary. All that time on seats of moving vehicles left me thinking, "Why do men wear wallets in their back pockets, anyway? My left arse cheek kills!"

Happy Anniversary baby! I did exactly what I wanted to do this year: set the bar low. I only get better from here, trust me.

Some of my favorite highlights from the trip:

- Zoey left the other 3 of us in stitches at the SLC airport restaurant. She started doing this weird "duh, du-huh" sound to Preston, and for whatever reason we all started giggling as she just kept doing it, without breaking. It was like one of those uncomfortably long Family Guy jokes. She just kept making that noise.

- The waiter looked like a creepy, ashy-faced version of Michael McDonald from MAD TV.

- I'm not going to compare every anecdote to a TV show, sorry about that.

- Nicknaming the Willis Tower the "What you talkin' 'bout-Willis Tower", and then hearing the kids try to say it fast. TV reference again, dang.

- Preston methodically cleaned out the appetizer plates at Giordano's.

- Zoey played a game at a street fair where you had to throw a ping pong ball into these tiny glass jars, to win a goldfish in a bag. You got 5 tries. These games are designed to be nearly impossible, right? She nailed it on the first try. We won a fish. It lived for 3 days. We tried.

- My Dad unwittingly ego-slapped me while we put together a new trampoline at his house. I just couldn't pull the last few sections of springs far enough to hook them. My hands were blistered, nearly bloody by then (slight exaggeration). He just kept pulling them 'til it was done.

- I saw my cousin Emily for the first time in well over a year, maybe two years? She went and married a man named Steve. Good job, cousin!

- I met my niece Elizabeth finally. She was crying within 30 seconds when I picked her up. We made up and became buddies later in the week.

- Zoey walking through Meijer in one flip flop, having lost the other one at AJ's house.

- Preston deciding to do lots of unpredictable things: Choosing an afternoon with Grandpa John and Grandma Terry instead of taking the train to Heidi's neighborhood with me and Annie and Dave and Heidi for the street fest; Going grocery shopping with Grandma Carol instead of hitting the G.R. Children's Museum with my Dad and Annie; Waking up super early on his own, at my parents' house, to play Gotham Racing on the X-Box. Well, that last one isn't so unexpected.

- Josh Pepper singing - screaming - "Beat It" in falsetto at the top of his lungs on Guitar Hero World Tour at AJ's house.

- Preston and Zoey arguing over the controls of the slowest, least entertaining type of water vehicle: the paddleboat. "I want to push the little handle forward and back!" "No, you suck at turning left while pedaling!"

- Seeing 3-yr old Danny by the campfire with his pants down. He was standing there with a marshmallow roasting stick in his hand, and suddenly his pants were at his ankles. It seemed like no great surprise to his parents.

- On my 2nd ski run of Thursday, catching an edge and going shoulder/face first into the water at full cutting speed. I hadn't fallen in a long time, and it's a trip. In half a second these thoughts occurred: "I am killing this run OH NO GOING DOWN. I think my shoulder just punched my clavicle. Am I upside down? I wonder if this looks cool to the kids. My teeth hurt?"

- Something about vacation makes my wife actually okay with a real, full arms and body hug. With an extended embrace. I know that's really sappy but I'm treasuring it. It was our anniversary after all. And I hadn't showered in like 3 days at the cottage and she was still in for it. That's love, baby.

I'm omitting a few things, surely, but I'm also very tired and this is taking forever. Plus I took the time to put those clever, HI-larious captions on all the photos above, so don't skimp on those. Thanks to Terry and John for letting me drive the Kia Sportage with the "One Hot Grandma!" license plate frame -- very awesome -- and for letting us crash at our favorite downtown Chicago condo. And thanks to Mom & Dad for hosting us at your home and the cottage for a week. It was a lot of running around, but something about the Midwest always makes it feel easy to enjoy. 

Crickets...where has Stizl gone?

I haven't written anything lately because I spend too much time thinking about writing. Ask me about that next time I see you; I'll have to explain.

I'll say this: John Irving either has some deep-seeded father issues, or he simply has the mind to create the gripping fictional tales his Garp longs for. I read The World According to Garp in about 2 weeks, which is, for me, flying through a novel. I can't wait to get more of his stuff.

My wife made a good point tonight over garlic burgers and beer. (Yes, a romantic Wed. evening every woman dreams of.) I was blabbering about how I hadn't blogged in a while because I couldn't recently find the time to write my observations or op-ed column-styled posts about life happenings. She pointed out that this particular blog may be an outlet for me in that respect, but that the small group of readers - family, friends - who would take the time to read it simply want to know what's going on in my life. Throw on some pics and let them know we all went to the water park, in other words.

So I'll probably start doing more of that. But not until after my vacation next week. We're all flying to Chicago on Friday, then driving to Michigan on Sunday for a week to catch up with friends and hang out with the family at the cottage. I'll get a chance to finally meet my niece, Elizabeth, do my kind of skiing (less snow, more motor) for the first time this year, let the kids 'drive' the Sea-Doos, catch some delicious bass, and maybe even share a reflective, love-drenched moment with my wife over garlic burgers steak and beer.

Shenanigans!

The cereal bracket final pitted the winner of the sugar bracket, Frosted Flakes, against the winner of the healthy bracket, Cheerios/Honey Nut Cheerios. My first question is, "what-what-what?!" How does the selection committee combine Cheerios and its Honey Nut sibling as one entrant? That's akin to saying Coke Zero (my new favorite soda) and Cherry Coke are the same beverage. I call shenanigans!

The winner of the bracket, of course, was Frosted Flakes, right? After all, they're grrrrrrunbelievably sugary delights. WRONG. It was the Big G's own tiny life preservers, Cheerios/Honey Nut. This is baloney, unless thousands of voters were daycare center snack managers. Even with the clear unfair advantage the Os have with 2 distinct products, there is no way participants on an ESPN radio show-hosted bracket (dudes who still eat cereal for breakfast when they come upstairs from their mom's basement) would choose them over Tony the Tiger's candy-masked-as-cereal crack flakes.

This can only be explained by one thing: General Mills, a Minnesota based company, funded the whole operation in order to crush Kellogg's, a Michigan based company, to further soften the state's economy. You see, Minnesota is running a guerrilla campaign to overtake Michigan as the "Most Popular Upper-Midwest 'M' State Filled with Lakes". They've even proposed a Grand Rapids-off, pitting the two towns against each other in a seven round winner-take-all prestige match. Grand Rapids, MI's upper hand: Once the "home office" of David Letterman's Top Ten List. Grand Rapids, MN's key claim: Slightly less cold than Pluto. The loser has to change their name to "Schmand Schmapids", so that's a consolation you can live with. Go GRMI!

Last night, I took a 3rd stab at fixing my ineffective dryer and did what I should've done the 1st time - take the back off and unscrew some stuff. (DUH!) Previous attempts involved: Inspecting, re-aligning, and cleaning the duct work; and reaching really really way far down into the lint trap housing with a vacuum hose. But with some idiot-proof instructions from Yahoo! Answers, I realized the entire problem was the blower wheel majiggy, and once I got the cover off (with TheWife's assistance) we found a dense mash of our former rug squatting in the wheel house. Pulled that out, sucked up other debris around the vents, and we were back in business! And to think, I was going to call another handyman...

Speaking of, we're only about 50% done on our bathroom, thanks to all the new fun things we have to do! Who knew that one failed water valve could lead to so many interesting and charming choices: What type of tub do we want? Do we want to tile or surround? What are you going to do with that gap in your floor (what gap?)? New linoleum or tile so your floor doesn't look so lame? What kind of toilet do you want since we (handy persons) accidentally smashed the base with a sledge hammer? What color are you repainting the walls? How did you get your nose hair completely white? Answer: I was using meditative breathing while chopping through drywall and tile. Was quite easy, actually. That white color gives it sort of a distinguished look.

Waiting, Wondering, Watching

I'm waiting to get out of here, basically. The Thanksgiving traditions are calling me, competing: "OVEREAT!", "TAKE A NAP!". Annie and I are flying to Grand Rapids on turkey day, but the kids are staying back in SLC with their Grandma. I'm starting to regret not getting them to MI with us. But they'll have fun. We will too.

I'm wondering, however, what air travel will be like on Thursday. Hopefully the weather cooperates, for one. But holidays generally mean Family Travel, and I'm much more fond of Business Travel. Business Travel days usually include a few obnoxious bluetooth wearing loud-talkers, but mostly quiet laptop tapping and USA Today "reading" (looking at the colorful graphs), along with fairly efficient movement through the airport. Now, I have a family and I enjoy travelling with them, but I don't necessarily like travelling with other families on Family Travel days. No offense to you, other families - I've heard you have a fantastic game night - but the chaos of many, many children and inexperienced airport security victims frazzles my nerves and tests my patience. Hopefully, I'll be too tired to notice since we'll be leaving the house at about 4:30 am.

What I won't be watching this Thursday is the Lions game. I know, I read the Free Press and it is not blacked out. Mercifully, I will still be on the plane until about the 3rd quarter, and by the time I make it to the parents' house it'll be all over but the Turducken eating. Maybe it's because I've been in central Illinois on most Thanksgivings in my life, but I'm not that excited about the whole Lions game tradition this year. Sure, in the past I'd find the TV to catch a bit of Barry Sanders or Herman Moore or... uh... that other Lions player who scored so many touchgoals. Or maybe it's because my Michigan Wolverines are done before Thanksgiving for the first time in my life and the football buzz is gone. Wait, Grand Valley is still undefeated and playing on Saturday - that may be just the ticket for me. Or maybe it's an event of an entirely different sort that will make the weekend memorable. But now I'm just rambling. Either way, I'm happy to be heading home to Michigan.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and don't skimp on the mashed potatoes.

Thankfully, not Ohio

I returned to work this week with mild anxiety about how the Ute fans would shower me with mockery and the sort of glib self-satisfaction that only surfaces for really important life events, like college football. But I quickly realized something: Utah is not Ohio.

Let me explain.

Were the Ute fans at the office proud of their win? Yes. Did they leave a not-so-subtle reminder on my desk before I even arrived at the office Monday? Yes. But here's the thing: They're generally nice people. They really can't be mean about 'their' win over 'my' team. They value other things in life more than football, like Ski Swaps and really good moisturizer. I even hung out with a few Ute fans after the game, and they were like "tough game, man it was really close, Utah is a really good team, Michigan would have beaten them if they played later in the year"... They were trying to make me feel better!? Who does that? Not Ohio.

Let's turn this around. Are Ohioans proud of winning? Like it's their only hope in life. Do Ohioans leave subtle reminders of victory? Subtle like charred living room furniture and effigial figures. They're generally not gracious in victory, and flat out mean in defeat. They value nothing in life more than Buckeye football, not even gun shows or free cigarette day. So thanks, Utah, for going easy on me. And good luck, Michigan, against Miami(Ohio) this week. And don't be fooled - those Miami(Ohio) fans may be alumni or family of players, but you can bet they're Buckeyes in Redhawks clothing, so keep a wary eye.

GO BLUE

People out here think Go Blue means something about BYU?

Welcome to big-boy football, Utah.

So listen - tomorrow is an important day. I am living in the heart of Utah, and by heart I mean the only actual city of note (with all due respect to Magna), Salt Lake City, the home of the Utah "Utes". Yes, they are really called the Utes. It is not even short for anything - like "Utility Worker", for example (all due respect to utility workers). Utes is one of the more clever mascot names in all of sports, if you ask nobody.

I write to all my fellow Michigan fans out there: Oh ye of the maize & blue blood! Even though my beloved wife sort-of-kind-of supports my support of Michigan, and does not claim any allegiance to the “U”, I am somewhat isolated. So, on this first Saturday of the season when you cheer the Wolverines, think of your son/brother/cousin/friend also, in enemy territory, hoping and praying he does not have to return to the office on Tuesday in shame. For he has worn the maize & blue to work on this football Friday, carrying around a mug with Block M, showing off the mini-helmet and national championship Pepsi can from 1997 (sadly it’s empty, in more ways than one).

Although I show those things off always, because I’m weird like that, it is of greater importance tomorrow. In this City of Salt, a Lake, and super-dry skin due to lack of humidity, I hope to stand tall and represent my home, Michigan, my team, Michigan, and proclaim “Hail to the Victors!” so it may echo up and down the valley. Also, give me a call on Saturday, so we can talk some big-boy football.

GO BLUE!

A smooth and gunky trip to Michigan

I wrote a review on Super Bowl ads in my previous post. It's really long, and you may be totally uninterested, but feel free to check it out and maybe comment on what the best/worst ads were.

I was lucky enough to spend this past weekend back home in Grand Rapids, so my family could see my fiance's new ring, and my roguish goatee. But getting there and back was half the fun! Northwest had the pleasure of being our discourteous carrier, canceling our connector from MSP (Minneapolis/St. Paul), re-routing us through DTW (Detroit), and being generally rude and unhelpful. On the way back to SLC yesterday, our brand new and modern looking CRJ-900 left the gate, taxied out, but then got called back to the gate for being "overweight for MSP". So the plane was perfectly fine to take off from GRR, but would have been too heavy to land in MSP after burning off thousands of pounds of fuel? Shouldn't they, like, check this before booking/loading/taxiing? Instead, they asked 6 people to leave the plane and get on another plane bound for MSP, which was fortuitously sitting in the adjacent gate due to being late.

After hearing the landing gear drop on the approach to MSP, we suddenly bolted back up in the air and circled around. Once on the ground, our plane took a painfully long route to the gate, and then sat there, waiting for some alien breed known as "jetway operators" to actually connect us to the walkway. Our friendly captain informed us that "When it rains, it pours", explaining that we couldn't land the first time because we were approaching too fast (maybe due to the lack of weight?), and then there were no jetway operators because we were so late (DUUUUUHHHH!) Throughout the ordeal, flight attendants and friendly captains continued to "sincerely apologize" for their complete lack of planning- er, for the unfortunate weather and airport circumstances which were nearly unavoidable.

After all this, our 1 hour and 20 minute layover had been reduced to 0 hours and 2 minutes! We followed the MSP signs to the tram, which was to take us to gate C9, only the tram's digital marquee informed us it was "OUT OF SERVICE - PLEASE USE MOVING WALKWAYS ---->" Somehow, we made the connection (because it was late departing) and arrived back in SLC safe and sound. Our luggage even made it.

It was great spending time with family and friends back home. On Saturday, Annie and I had lunch with my old work buddy JJ McSparty at a new downtown joint called HopCat - pretty cool place and a wild beer menu. Then we checked out his condo at Union Square and sat chatting with him and his wife Jujube. Onward to my nephew's 2nd birthday party at my sister's place. We had burgers on the grill and some tasty ribs. Later that night, we hit up Jr P's place for some awesome Wii action (my first!) and to catch up with friends. Annie killed me at Wii boxing, but I did well at bowling and tennis. My arms still hurt today.

Then I got pink eye, again, in my left eye. Seriously, it happened while sitting in front of the computer watching funny videos with the guys at Jr P's house. Disinfect your mouse, Yoshii! And don't rub your eye...

Sunday was spent cleaning my gross eye and putting tons of eye drops in. I blame my predisposition for this ailment on all the people telling me how pretty my eyes are all my life. If I'm going to get a big ego about this eye thing, well, God'll show me what some mucus and dry irritation will do! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!

At least we got to watch a super-entertaining Super Bowl, and some more cousins and friends came by to my parent's house for food and fun. Monday, we caught a great lunch at Rose's in EGR with Bradley, and then headed to the airport for all the fun and excitement of cross country travel.

This morning, I woke up with pink eye in my right eye, and both eyes extremely red (pink?) So I'm going to the doctor this afternoon, which means I'm now home writing blogs. Hopefully I'll get some pictures up from the weekend. And yes, I'll make sure to use the red-eye reduction feature.

Will Work For Cookies

After months of preparation, not making enough dough, chipping away at HR personnel, and baking in front of managers and presidents in numerous interviews, I have a new job. You'll recognize the name, Mrs. Fields, as a famous cookie company. What you may not know is the company also owns the TCBY, Pretzel Time, Pretzel Maker, and Great American Cookies brands.

I'll be an assistant brand manager for the Mrs. Fields cookie brand, working closely with the franchisees around the country. You may have seen them in your favorite mall or an airport food court. I may work a little bit with their packaged goods division, which are the products you'd see on store shelves in the 'premium cookie' section.

Look for Mrs. Fields locations HERE, and try their White Chunk Macadamia Nut, it's a classic.

To celebrate, I decided to fly home to Michigan for the weekend. I'll be home this Thursday afternoon through Sunday, which happens to be Mother's Day (you're welcome, Mom). Can't wait to see everyone! Annie cannot come unfortunately. Apparently she has some sort of store opening approaching or something. Like that's so important.

Familiar signs

There is a Michigan Ave. in Salt Lake. Not unique to this city, I realize, but I felt it photo worthy.