Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts

2/10/2010

Super Bowl XLIV Ad Review

Don’t worry about New Orleans anymore, ‘cause they have a winning football team! Instead, let’s put our collective focus on television advertisements. Ads carry more import than city infrastructure and economy and psychological well-being anyway, right? Well, no. But I have no answers for N'awlins, or Miami, or Indy (boo-hoo), so let’s move on.

Super Bowl XLIV had more viewers than any television broadcast in history, surpassing the legendary finale of M*A*S*H, a show from the 70s or 80s which was about an army of Idaho potato farmers fighting for survival against Irish oppressors. I’m pretty sure it starred Steve Guttenberg.

This year’s advertisers, which can be classified into two groups: “Brands” and “CBS”, obviously viewed the Super Bowl as their prime opportunity to persuade innocent fans of the Colts and Saints to start thinking about other things besides football, like how hilarious underwear can be (UNDIES!) and that Denny’s and Abe Vigoda still actually exist. These life tools are invaluable after the respective fan-nations recover from their joyous hangovers (winners) or their less joyous hangovers (losers) to realize that football season is, alas, over. For the rest of us non-rooters, casual partygoers, and TV addicts, the ads are meant to reinforce how dumb men are. Specifically men who drink Bud Light, willingly, in front of other people.

I’ve already hinted at one theme (UNDIES!), but I’ll get to that later. Another great ad theme was the string of hit CBS shows which are apparently #1! Like Lost, something, something, something, capital letters, something, capital letters Los Angeles, something, something, and of course, The Late Show with old unfunny comedians.

Speaking of old, The Who completed like the 8th straight halftime act featuring an artist whose career pinnacled before I was born. In a clear tryout for next year’s Super Bowl halftime act, KISS and mini-KISS showed up for a Dr. Pepper Cherry ad. (Mini-KISS is slated for halftime of next year’s Puppy Bowl.) Dr. Pepper Cherry: tastes just like sweaty face paint!

Bridgestone, a company that makes tires for automobiles (hopefully not Toyotas), wins the award for Brand Trying Hardest to Seem Cool Despite Fact that Most Humans Pick Whatever Tire is Carried by their Dealership or the Shop Around the Corner with Free Coffee. “Gimme the ones with those grooves in it!” They (Bridgestone, a tire company) also pulled a super lame The Hangover rip-off with their killer whale-in-car ad, with the lamest bachelor party reference of all time. Listen, Bridge-people, Goodyear long ago invented a flying machine to promote themselves, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Only one American automaker paid up the bucks for chicken-wing-interrupted glory: Dodge. Their “I will…” ad featuring a bunch of guys who were saying things about me hit home with most people in the room. It also managed to get in one of the 30 underwear references (UNDIES!) of the night. A few critics have called it whiny, but I related to it in every way. I may just have to go out and test drive a Charger after I fold this laundry and clean the litter box.

Google made a lot of people “awww” and “hey yeah, that IS Google!” with their touching spot about someone figuring out how to create totally unreasonable expectations for their relationship and life. Go watch Sleepless in Seattle again, daydreamer.

Doritos, a product my family and I always referred to as “bad breath chips”, probably had the best laughs in a macro sense (marketing jargon!) with the kid slapping his Mom’s suitor, the guy getting shock-collared, the casket dumping over, and the Doritos-clad warrior attacking dudes in ugly gym clothes. These ads were submitted by regular ol’ people, not agencies, and turned out to be more memorable and funnier than almost every other ad. It’s a YouTube world people, and we’re just living in it. I re-watched almost all of the ads in a conference room with a bunch of marketers on Monday, and everyone LOL’d when the warrior appeared.

You probably noticed the Dockers no-pants chant? I liked this ad better when it was the Dial For Men chant about 2 years ago. Unoriginal, unfunny, and filled with too many tighty whities (UNDIES!). For a good usage of pantsless people, see Careerbuilder.com’s ad. That one featured both men and ladies in their delicates (UNDIES!) as a casual Friday policy gone waaaay too far. The best line was delivered bitingly by a half nude gentleman to the lone remaining pants-wearing holdout: “Nice pants, Terry.”

FINALLY! As the commercial pointed out, men everywhere have been tearing up the gossip lines with their buddies wondering if Dove would release a “for Men” line of products, which they have! Uh…no. See above review of Dockers – this is another Dial for Men rip-off. WE’VE SEEN IT.

Basketball is a sport near and dear to my heart. I love playing it, I love watching it, I love writing about making 19 consecutive 3-pointers and how crappy the NBA Slam-Dunk competition (sponsored by Sprite!) has become. So it pained me to see McDonald’s completely abuse the memory of the classic Jordan vs. Bird game of “HORSE” ad. You remember: “from the bleachers, over the rafters, off the glass, nothing but net.” Swish. The new one—which, in true professional sports league fashion, was overhyped—featured LeBron James and Dwight Howard calling out ridiculous dunks, and then we had to watch as their herky-jerky digitally enhanced selves “completed” those dunks. The NBA is now failing at their real dunk contest and at making impossible dunks look cool on television. McDonald’s, I am most certainly NOT lovin’ it!

In another lame remake, Boost Mobile knocked off the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle from 1985. I guess if you take something that’s already hokey and stiff (but awesome at the time!) and copy it, it’s going to be hokey and stiff. And of course, there was a line about some teammate’s “cheetah print thong” (UNDIES!) to continue with the overdone theme.

This review is getting out of hand, and there are plenty of places to get professional, respected opinions on the ads by people who had time to write them two days ago. Or you can just watch them again on your own, because I just checked and New Orleans is still partying. So let me wrap up with my favorites:

Audi “Green Police”: It sounded like a real Styx song, was fun, dramatized an important topical issue, and clearly showed one of the vehicle’s consumer benefits. Audi had my favorite ad two years ago, too.

Both Coca-Cola ads: Surreal contrast of bright, wacky Simpson’s characters underneath light-hearted music and no dialogue; and the sleep-walker’s dream sequence, which happened to feature a man in boxers (UNDIES!). Both harkened to the classic feel-good message going all the way back to “I’d like to teach the world to sing…” Simply brand builders, but good ones.

Volkswagen slugging: Relatable across generations, and capped off by—no, not the kid punching grandpa in the crotch—but by Tracy Morgan’s “How do you DO that?” line to Stevie Wonder. Rarely do 2-second celebrity cameos work, but this one was perfect.

Unknown: Somewhere in this mess was Megan Fox in a bathtub. I don’t know what it was for, but I’m sure I scoffed at it and turned to my wife to tell her how much I love her. My wife, that is.

Sorry I couldn’t keep this review, uh, more brief (UNDIES
!).

9/18/2009

The End of Summer Out Here in Utah

In a previous post, I mentioned how much fun it is to have to talk about weather all the time at work. Well, it reached a new low pressure system the other day, when a Sales Guy called from some provider of some valuable service which is guaranteed to provide valuable value, boost ROI, improve logistical flow-through, and make my Mother proud. These Sales Guys really need to tone down their rhetoric by the way. Anyhoo, after identifying himself as Sales Guy from Illinois, he signs off the voice mail with, "Hope the weather out there in Utah is treating you well. Take care."

Those were his exact last words before hanging up; I was so impressed with them I backed up the message and wrote them down as I listened a second and third time. This Sales Guy, endlessly pressured for new accounts, wants money I don't have in the budget for his magical wonderservice, and he leaves me with a comforting wish that atmospheric phenomena are treating me, personally, with kindness. This is what he must want me to remember then, right? You start and end your sales pitch with things that last, everyone knows that. What better than a weather well wishing? But not just a generic "Hope you have a sunshiney day", no! Give it to them in a more personal way so they will relate to you!

One of the things I'm thankful for in my career is I haven't had to cold call, ever. I was technically a salesperson right out of college, but I was never selling a brand new thing to a brand new account. Actually, I never really sold an old thing to an old account, either (ha ha!). What I'm saying is, I'm lucky the previous marketing administration quit, because I'm not very good at sales.

I had a fun adventure last night. I went shopping with Zoey for a birthday gift for her friend from school. Zoey is 8. When I suggested we get the girl, who invited her over not only for the 6pm party but directly from school today so she doesn't have to go to daycare (awesome!), a birthday gift for her troubles, Zoey rattled off the list of things Emma is dying for: "makeup, like lip gloss and those little kid makeup sets, and she loves loves loves perfume, and she also wants new necklaces like the peace sign ones I have...". Huh, alright. I didn't even know who Emma was until yesterday, but you apparently know everything about her. Anyway, we went to the superstore for last minute gifts, Walmart, and I spent a good 10 minutes in a makeup aisle fending off adult-shade lip and cheek applications and encouraging she get "up to 3 or 4" of the $0.89 tubes of pink glittery stuff. We settled on some fake nails, and I let her get a set, too. Emma is going to be thrilled with the little flowers on the tips, ohmygosh!

We also got the kid a Hoops & Yoyo birthday card--have you seen these things? My family has begun making them a tradition, and they are often hilarious. These little recorded voices come out of the card giggling hysterically and subtly insulting the recipient. You have to listen to them 3 or 4 times to get everything, but it's worth it. The one I got on my birthday will be opened no less than 100 times over the next week, and by then I will want to strangle Hoops with his Yoyo. But they're funny.

Last weekend was my big sports/birthday trip, and it did not disappoint. Below are a couple photos. Everyone who matters knows about Michigan's big win by now, and looks forward to their HUGE crosstown rivalry game with the mighty, uh, Emus? of Eastern Michigan University. EMU is located in the hipster village of Ypsilanti, a town so famous due to its name, that when you ask locals where they're from they simply reply "Ann Arbor". Except my friend Charlie, he's really proud of "Ypsi"; perhaps because they use really clever puns in their advertising. You "auto" see it!

Happy end of summer. :( <-- Sad face.


















9/04/2009

My 31st Year: What Have I Done?

I stole that title from a previous post I wrote, and I like it because you can read it one of two ways (just in case you can't hear the inflection in my text):

"Hmm. What HAVE I done, anyway? Let's reflect..."; or,

"OH MY GOSH WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

I'm reflecting, frantically, because next Saturday is my birthday. The big 3-1. No longer just 30 which, let's be honest, simply meant "not in my 20s anymore"--a surprisingly harsh reality that was difficult to accept, and even difficulter to get up from after crouching for any more than four or five seconds. When did a physical act as simple as "the crouch" become something you must truly question whether to attempt or not? Do I have a nearby wall with which to brace myself? Will my trick knee decide to flare up, causing me to groan inappropriately loud as I rise? Do I have enough give in the seat of my pants? Years back, the crouch was an afterthought; a simple and necessary tool for several sporting positions, also known as a "stance". My favorite was the "three point stance" in basketball. This clever device allows one the leverage to either pass, dribble, or shoot the basketball. Ha ha! You'll never know silly defender! Only they knew with me. If I was in the three point stance, one of my two signature moves was imminent: the "sit back down on the bench", or the "ankle sprain". At least then I had the will and joint lubrication to spring right back up.

Also, I don't really have a "trick knee". I just like the sound of it. Maybe if I spent 20 years workin' on the railroad I could get away with that sort of embellishment. So, sorry about that, railroadmen. I didn't mean to demean your 2nd favorite ailment behind "spike-through-hand".

I'm celebrating my 31st birthday by doing what any responsibly maturing man would: flying across the country to watch sports. And I'm dragging my wife! We'll be popping into Detroit for a Tigers game on Friday with Brad and Andrea, staying there that night, then meeting my parents in Ann Arbor for Michigan and Notre Dame. A birthday treat worthy of former president Gerald Ford and The Pope! It's been almost 3 years since I visited the Big House, and despite all the program's efforts to become a horrible football team the past two years, I'm stoked to go back, and maybe more stoked to have my wife go with me. She'll finally understand just a smidgen more of my personality and my tendency for withdrawal on fall Saturdays. I don't know that she'll understand why the Michigan Wolverines are "Champions of the West", nor why we sing the words so heartily, but then again, nobody really does. We just do it because it's college football.

This time of year always feels new because school sessions are starting. But even as a workin' man, it makes me feel I should work a little harder and "think about my future". So, in a clear sign of advancement, I'm thinking about taking a class. At a college. I considered enrolling in High School Government class just to relive the fun, but they didn't like my voting record. Instead, I'm going to take a class called "Toolbox Basics". No no, it's not a lecture on how to become a tool. I'd be in a much more advanced class than "Basics" for such a topic. It's a class to help me learn how to write. I'm not sure what I want to write yet, but at the least I'm moving closer to my goal of wearing jeans or corduroy pants and a sweater every day, not shaving, developing neurotic quirks, and having everyone accept those things for the sake of art. Wish me luck! And...I have to say it...GO BLUE!

11/25/2008

Waiting, Wondering, Watching

I'm waiting to get out of here, basically. The Thanksgiving traditions are calling me, competing: "OVEREAT!", "TAKE A NAP!". Annie and I are flying to Grand Rapids on turkey day, but the kids are staying back in SLC with their Grandma. I'm starting to regret not getting them to MI with us. But they'll have fun. We will too.

I'm wondering, however, what air travel will be like on Thursday. Hopefully the weather cooperates, for one. But holidays generally mean Family Travel, and I'm much more fond of Business Travel. Business Travel days usually include a few obnoxious bluetooth wearing loud-talkers, but mostly quiet laptop tapping and USA Today "reading" (looking at the colorful graphs), along with fairly efficient movement through the airport. Now, I have a family and I enjoy travelling with them, but I don't necessarily like travelling with other families on Family Travel days. No offense to you, other families - I've heard you have a fantastic game night - but the chaos of many, many children and inexperienced airport security victims frazzles my nerves and tests my patience. Hopefully, I'll be too tired to notice since we'll be leaving the house at about 4:30 am.

What I won't be watching this Thursday is the Lions game. I know, I read the Free Press and it is not blacked out. Mercifully, I will still be on the plane until about the 3rd quarter, and by the time I make it to the parents' house it'll be all over but the Turducken eating. Maybe it's because I've been in central Illinois on most Thanksgivings in my life, but I'm not that excited about the whole Lions game tradition this year. Sure, in the past I'd find the TV to catch a bit of Barry Sanders or Herman Moore or... uh... that other Lions player who scored so many touchgoals. Or maybe it's because my Michigan Wolverines are done before Thanksgiving for the first time in my life and the football buzz is gone. Wait, Grand Valley is still undefeated and playing on Saturday - that may be just the ticket for me. Or maybe it's an event of an entirely different sort that will make the weekend memorable. But now I'm just rambling. Either way, I'm happy to be heading home to Michigan.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and don't skimp on the mashed potatoes.

9/12/2008

Look who's 30, too

Yep, that's right. My 30th birthday is here, and I've begun my 4th decade on earth. Upon waking up this morning, I immediately suffered vision deterioration, "the arthritis" in my hands, and left a pile of hairs on my pillow - hooray aging! To celebrate, I changed some things on my blog. Added a few 'gadgets' along the right side (including Follower - if you're hip to the feature, please show me some love). I also added a Dictionary.com gadget to the bottom (in case you have trouble with any of my big words - ha ha). But seriously, I love Dictionary.com.

Annie is taking me to Spencer's tonight, a fabulous steakhouse in town. I'll be wearing some new big boy clothes she bought me at a mall-based clothing store featuring pictures of men wearing jeans cut for teenage girls. But she didn't buy me those jeans, just some super-sweet pants (PANTS!) and a shirt & tie or two. Tomorrow, I celebrate a little more (I hope) with a Michigan beatdown of Notre Dame followed by a little Utah family party.

Today, my work friends got me a card and some delicious cake, and I got myself a plastic fork, and then I ate the cake (NOM-NOM).

Other good news: My Dad is in fine form after some old-guy surgery, and our family is grateful for all the kind words, prayers, and support. And Happy Birthday to my Mom on Sunday!

9/05/2008

Thankfully, not Ohio

I returned to work this week with mild anxiety about how the Ute fans would shower me with mockery and the sort of glib self-satisfaction that only surfaces for really important life events, like college football. But I quickly realized something: Utah is not Ohio.

Let me explain.

Were the Ute fans at the office proud of their win? Yes. Did they leave a not-so-subtle reminder on my desk before I even arrived at the office Monday? Yes. But here's the thing: They're generally nice people. They really can't be mean about 'their' win over 'my' team. They value other things in life more than football, like Ski Swaps and really good moisturizer. I even hung out with a few Ute fans after the game, and they were like "tough game, man it was really close, Utah is a really good team, Michigan would have beaten them if they played later in the year"... They were trying to make me feel better!? Who does that? Not Ohio.

Let's turn this around. Are Ohioans proud of winning? Like it's their only hope in life. Do Ohioans leave subtle reminders of victory? Subtle like charred living room furniture and effigial figures. They're generally not gracious in victory, and flat out mean in defeat. They value nothing in life more than Buckeye football, not even gun shows or free cigarette day. So thanks, Utah, for going easy on me. And good luck, Michigan, against Miami(Ohio) this week. And don't be fooled - those Miami(Ohio) fans may be alumni or family of players, but you can bet they're Buckeyes in Redhawks clothing, so keep a wary eye.

GO BLUE

8/29/2008

People out here think Go Blue means something about BYU?

Welcome to big-boy football, Utah.

So listen - tomorrow is an important day. I am living in the heart of Utah, and by heart I mean the only actual city of note (with all due respect to Magna), Salt Lake City, the home of the Utah "Utes". Yes, they are really called the Utes. It is not even short for anything - like "Utility Worker", for example (all due respect to utility workers). Utes is one of the more clever mascot names in all of sports, if you ask nobody.

I write to all my fellow Michigan fans out there: Oh ye of the maize & blue blood! Even though my beloved wife sort-of-kind-of supports my support of Michigan, and does not claim any allegiance to the “U”, I am somewhat isolated. So, on this first Saturday of the season when you cheer the Wolverines, think of your son/brother/cousin/friend also, in enemy territory, hoping and praying he does not have to return to the office on Tuesday in shame. For he has worn the maize & blue to work on this football Friday, carrying around a mug with Block M, showing off the mini-helmet and national championship Pepsi can from 1997 (sadly it’s empty, in more ways than one).

Although I show those things off always, because I’m weird like that, it is of greater importance tomorrow. In this City of Salt, a Lake, and super-dry skin due to lack of humidity, I hope to stand tall and represent my home, Michigan, my team, Michigan, and proclaim “Hail to the Victors!” so it may echo up and down the valley. Also, give me a call on Saturday, so we can talk some big-boy football.

GO BLUE!