Can you just call me Dude?

Current Status: Necessary Parental Unit Stepdaditude: At least they're getting used to this... What do the kids call you? And how do you refer to the kids? There’s a joke that goes: A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named ‘Steve’?” You may have heard that joke before, maybe with another name. Try it with your own name - seriously, say it out loud, it's hilarious. As naturally egocentric beings we respond to our own name, even if spoken by ourselves. Back to the topic - the joke reminds me of times, before I was the official Stepdad, where I was explained to people as “my Mom’s boyfriend” (true enough), “our future Stepdad” (brave, but true), “my Stepdad” (brevity over clarity), and I even overheard our (at the time) 6-yr old girl refer to me as “Dad” in front of some peers who she didn't know well – obviously not wanting to be embarrassed or having to explain. She didn’t know I heard her, and I didn't need to say anything. I got it. Most often, though, I was both referred to, and called, “Steve”. One syllable, generic, a little nerdy. "You have a Dad named Steve?" Hello, daycare center? This is Steve. You know, Steve? I’m the kids, um, mom’s boyfriend, er, future stepdad. Anyway, I will be picking them up early on Wednesday, please don't ask me to sign anything... There were some awkward exchanges then, but now I should be able to introduce myself with pride! With my title now official, the kids are free to refer to me as Stepdad and not feel weird. And I am free to call them my Stepson and Stepdaughter and feel okay about it. Hooray, right? But sometimes, I just want to call them my kids – my boy, my girl. I can’t call them my son and daughter, really, and that’s okay. Their Biodad (I’ll talk about him later) still has rights to those and maybe always will. Fair enough. If you catch me in a raw moment, though, I would admit that I feel like I deserve that “Dad” status and that they should be my son and daughter – that in just a few years I’ve given more, loved harder, and earned trust beyond what Biodad could ever achieve! What’s in a name or title anyway? Maybe not the title, but the appreciation - which is so unfair to the kids. People often tell me: “Someday, they’ll understand, and they’ll show their appreciation for your role in their life.” Maybe. For now, it feels like I’ll worry about my legacy every day, worry that I’m not a good enough example for them, worry that I don’t treat their Mom with enough love and respect. So do we as stepparents push the issue to make ourselves more comfortable, or do we let the kids decide? Maybe if I tried to get them to call me "Dad" it would further break down barriers. Maybe my wife can soothe their fears about losing the importance of Biodad, and help them understand they sort of have 2 Dads. But I choose to let the kids decide. They're generally more creative anyway and I think they'll do whatever seems right to them, which in my mind is also best for them. Sometimes they just call me "S" in response to the fact that I often call them by their initials. I'll call them "P" (boy) and "Z" (girl) for this blog, too. Sometimes they do the normal play on my name: Stevie (playful), Steven (stern), Whatever Dude (stop reminding me to put stuff away, I get it). Just as long as they don't call me Mr. Mom... (the ... is foreshadowing)