I'll take the Sea Kitten combo

This past Saturday, I was out and about having a "big day" - you know, Home Depot, drop off the recycling, take old clothes and shoes to DI (Deseret Industries... it's the Goodwill of Utah). It was around 1pm and I hadn't eaten yet, but I needed some fuel for my big kitchen counter tile repair grouting project. I realized I was near an Arby's, and the thought of a chicken fingers meal entered my brain...and stayed there. I could smell it, taste it, feel the crispy batter on my tongue.

Back in high school, I played a little sport called "basketball". High school basketball meant plenty of road trips in a van, which meant lots of fast food. One year, on an early season trip to Petoskey (seriously), I remember setting a new precedent for the team by ordering the chicken fingers meal - with Arby's sauce and BBQ for dipping. They all thought I was crazy! Who gets chicken fingers when you can have a Roast Beef, or better yet, Beef 'n Cheddar? But I was so over the roast beef craze. You wanna talk roast beef? You best recognize one of my childhood favorites - Rax. Anyhoo, a few trips later and guess what was all the rage in the b-ball van? Chicken fingers meal, baby.

So I rolls into the Arby's drive thru, tummy rumblin'. I notice the menu board is a bit patchy - a couple of the screens are empty, looks like maybe they're changing over promotions. Who knows. I didn't see the chicken fingers offerings, but this is friggin' Arby's so I says to the box, "I just want the chicken fingers meal, please." The headset-wearer says, "Sorry sir, we don't have chicken fingers" - no explanation, no "we ran out" - just, "we don't have them". This must be a mistake! Defeated, I order a Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar - NO FRIES OR SODA to spite them - and head home with my consolation sandwich. Either that location is going out of business, or there is a serious chicken shortage somewhere. Why is it that on the rare occasions your brain gets fixated on something, you inevitably cannot satisfy that fixation?

On a related note, PETA is campaigning to rename fish "sea kittens". This is not a satire article, they really do. I sort of hope this catches on, just so fast food and restaurant menus can get a little more creative than "fish-wich". I'm thinking "Boots-of-the-Sea Burger", or maybe "The General Bonkers Special".